because you are mine

Gavin,

Last week you turned two years old. I still don't think that has completely sunk in to Mommy's brain and heart. In some ways it feels like we just took you home. Mommy can still picture you sitting on the kitchen table all snuggled in your brand new car seat with your baggy newborn clothes on while she thought "oh my word, he is really ours, we-have-no-idea-what-we-are-doing" Your infant car seat only lasted until you were 6 months old and your outgrew it. My how things have changed in those short two years.

There are so many things I love about you little lamb. At times you are fierce like a lion, and you have your own idea on how certain things should go down. And just when Mommy worries that she isn't doing you justice as your parent you show her a glimpse into how tender and soft your heart really is. I secretly admire your strong will because I know that with some fine tuning that same stubborn strong will is going to take you wherever your little heart desires in this life.

Truth be told your Mom was in kind of a "rut" in parenting. Blame it on tax season and that your Daddy has been working more. Blame it on the fact that Mommy is 6 months pregnant and sometimes she is just plain tired in trying to balance everything. Blame it on whatever you like. Some days were hard and long and from sun up to sun down everything felt like a chore. Mommy's perspective has certainly changed thanks to prayer and time alone with the Lord. Each and every day is seriously a gift from above, not a guarantee...Mom's trying her best to live in a way that mirrors that to you. Please be patient with me okay bud? I want to get this whole Mamma thing right for you.

You are talk, talk, talking now. Full, long, sentences. Some big words. I have so many favorites but my most recent is when we were playing downstairs together and you looked at Mom and said (in a southern accent nonetheless) "Mamma, I bee riight baack" Mom almost peed her pants she laughed so hard. Another favorite is when you come running up to Mom and reach for her hand and say "I show Mom some-sing" You usually lead me one of two places...the snack cupboard for jelly beans or your crib for your paci and blankies. Another classic is "up by Mom!" My, my, my how smart you already are.

When I think about my life, my goals, my most challenging yet rewarding job, I think about you and being your Mamma. The past 2 years have been nothing short of incredible. Some days you give me grey hair, like when I found you in our master closet with my blowdryer plugged in and turned on "high" and you were frozen in fear. I asked you "did you get hurt or did it just scare you?" to which you replied "SCARE YOU!" Or take another example when you had been quiet for 30 seconds in the master bathroom and Mom came running to find you sitting on your stepstool pumping Mommy's liquid hair product into your mouth. When Mom took it away you just grinned from ear and ear and said " I eat it!" You are my sunshine every.single.morning. I will never tire from hearing you say "mornin Mom, I all done seeping, Mommy all done seeping too!"The way you run to me when I pick you up from daycare is more than my heart can handle, there are no words to do that feeling justice.

Mommy and Daddy have started to pray with you every night before bedtime using a prayer Mommy learned as a little girl and this at times is also more than my heart can handle listening to your sweet little voice say words like "i pray the Lord my soul to keep". Mommy's own deepest prayers and desires are for you to grow up and know God in a tangible way.

With happiness and good times also come sad and hard times and we have entered this new stage of discipline that is no fun. Turns out it's true that discipline hurts worse to the one administering it.  I know you won't believe me on that one for many years, but you just wait. You are starting to get the hang of it though because after you threw a tantrum because Mommy wouldn't let you eat pickles for breakfast and you decided you should hit her, Mommy scooped you up, didn't say anything and you looked at her and said "I nee time out" half as a question half as a statement.

I love how much you already admire your Daddy. Every morning after you say Good Morning you always ask "I see Dad? We are so lucky to have him buddy, don't you ever forget that. I love watching you two together in the bathroom on Sunday mornings. You with your chubby little thighs hanging out of your size 5 diaper while you are standing on your stepstool looking up at Daddy who is shaving.

You are my pride and joy sweet boy.

Love you to the moon and back
Mommy