{Pause}

I've been asked before why I write. My little corner of this blog world was visitied over eight-hundred times in the last month. I certainly don't know 800 people which means some of you are coming back a second, third, dare I say forth time? Over eight-hundred in one month. That is crazy to me.

I write for reasons far deeper than numbers and ratings but if you are still reading consider this a genuine thank-you! I hope you've been insprired, humored, or felt like you-have-it-all-together-more-than-she-does after reading my ramblings.

{grin}

I write to capture this life I've been blessed with. A life that is far from perfect, but is my life none-the-less, a life I'm proud of and grateful for. I will write the good right along with the hard material in hopes to reach out and inspire and affect people, you know, make a difference. I write because each day is a gift and not a given right (thanks Nickelback for those profoud lyrics, BTW your music rocks)

I believe we, as Mommies have some very priveledged roles and one of them is to be the memory keeper, whatever that means to all you Mommies out there. For some of you that's scrap-booking, taking oodles of pictures of your precious babes, others it's staying home full time, others it's just spending every waking moment you have with your littles, especially if you need to work outside the home. For me it is to do this thing that is so incredibly therapeutic and sit here and peck away on these black keys to my hearts content.

I hope some day when Gavin is much older he will look back at all of this and get a glimpse into what his life was exactly like when he was too young to remember. I hope he will read how loved he was and feel very proud. I hope he will understand and not think less of me as his Mom when he learns that after the joy of his birth I walked my darkest road through post-partum- depression and fought like hell, for him. I hope he knows he was worth every single tear through that struggle and I would do it all over again just for him. I hope he knows Brady and I are committed to raising him right to know the Lord and so are all the other people in his life. It takes a village to raise a baby you know.

I love that my husband gets giddy when he hears me typing like a mad women in my "spare" time (what exactly is spare time when you have a baby and full time job?!) and says "are you blogging" with this kid-in-candy-store-giddiness in his voice. For the record I make time to blog because it is important to me. For the record I always let the Mr read my entries before hitting that orange "publish post" button, especially if it is portraying the more difficult things life sometimes entails. He is such a sport and has yet to tell me "no". Thanks babe for making me feel proud of journaling our life.

On another note, Gavin turns 7 months old this week. PAUSE please? For some odd reason this whole 7-month thing has got me in sort of a tail spin because as I said to Brady earlier this week - that means he is closer to one than zero. I know. I know. Embrace it. Embrace that he is growing and developing normally and is healthy. I know that in my head, but my heart is looking for that pause button that doesn't exactly exist.

I don't want to forget this 6 month stage that has been the best. He sits now, by himself, you know. He cries for me if I'm not there when he wakes up from his nap. His hair somewhat resembles Conan O'Brien lately - time for his 2nd haircut? Ridiculous.

I don't want to forget the way he opens his mouth and bangs his hands on the tray of his high-chair when it's baby food time. I don't want to forget how Brady can get him to giggle with peek-a-boo . I don't want to forget the low pitched noise he makes while sticking his tongue out sounding like a tractor motor. I don't want to forget how no matter how hard he's crying, he stops as long as I sing him "our song". I don't want to forget how those baby blues light up every morning when he's awake and I turn the light on and say "Good Morning Big Boy" I don't want to forget that gaze we have when it's feeding time, the gaze that pierces straight though to my soul. I don't want to forget how he reaches to touch my face and also reaches to be picked up.

It's just I've never felt a love this deep. If you're a Mom, you understand.

And I won't forget it, but I will look back and miss these "easy" days. But for now, onward we go to the big-boy 7 month stage. I will try to embrace this next stage that seems to include mobility. Time to seriously baby-proof.