sidewalk chalk

you know how before you become a mamma you have a vision in your mind of what it will be like?

well friends, today i got to live out one of those days.

it was a glorious day i will not soon forget. the little took two 2 hour naps; one in the morning, one in the afternoon. my house is clean. i am refreshed. we took an hour walk and had a park play date, just mommy and baby big boy. it was exactly the refreshment i prayed for from the 'terrible two's' we've been dealing with lately.

this day leaves me feeling one way.

it leaves me feeling like this is exactly what i was called to do,

to be his mamma.

dear terrible two's

you are a whole year early and i don't appreciate you just showing up uninvited. hasn't your mother taught you anything? as stephanie tanner would say "how rude"

it wasn't a pretty look when you showed up in my 12 month old in the checkout lane at walmart the other day either. as my child had a death grip on his new ball and threw a tan-TRUM, head flinging back, blood curtling screaming so loud it drew attention to us from 4 aisles down. and over what you might ask? over this mamma trying to put his new ball down to pay for it. brother did no approve. and he was gonna let everyone know, even if you were back in the lawn and garden section he.was.gonna.let.you.know. the checker must have experienced something similar to this before as she quickly fumbled and got out her price gun somewhere after the first scream in that awkward holding his breath turning red then blue then quick breath in and cue second scream part of the fit. have you ever had the priveledge of witnessing such bliss between mother and child? wait, what?



so the next part is embarrasing to admit and i will preface it by saying this is my first rodeo and i do not like extra attention on me, EVER. the above was definately giving us some undesired extra looks. so, i caved, gave in and handed gavin that ball quicker than i took my own next breath because holy crap i just wanted him to stop the tantrum. now i know all you seasoned mamma's out there are probably thinking "hah, what am amateur, that mom needs to know she cannot let her 12 month old rule the roost" and you know what? you are completely right, but i was honestly caught so off guard that my child would pull that caliber of a tatrum in public. i mean a 12 month old should have some manners right? {grin}

it's funny how before you have kids the right answers of parenting skills flow like the niagra falls. but in that check out lane at walmart, my parenting skills were flowing like a stream in a desert. survival mode kicked in and that meant give the kid what he wants to shut him up, stat!

i realize this isn't such a big deal in the scheme of things, or is it? i had no idea that setting boundaries and limits would start so early. i refuse, REFUSE to raise a disrespectful child. although the mr had a good point the other day. gavin was throwing yet another tantrum over (i don't remember take your pick , either a. his food was gone, b. he was getting his diaper changed, c. he was getting dressed, d. i said "no" or most likely e. all of the above) and here was the conversation

Tina: (in a frustrated demanding voice) Gavin, you NEED to have patience NOW!

Brady: quite ironic how you're demanding patience and using that tone. maybe you need to model some patience for him.
ugh, looks like i won't be nominated for mother of the year, but like i said this is my first rodeo. and i'm yearning to be the kind of mom God created me to be. i'm learning that parenting can be both the most rewarding and exhausting process all at the same time. and i keep reminding myself "little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems" i'm sure in 10 years i will look back on this post and giggle because i will wish i could go back to these 'issues' rather that dealing with whatever i will be dealing with in 10 years, i would list specifics but remember i have no idea what's coming :)

if anyone has any great advice, feel free to leave it in my comments. it's so important for us as fellow mamma's to join forces.

to thine own self be true

it's hard for me to admit that lately i haven't felt much like writing.

{call it the normal wax and wane of everyday life.}

i can't exactly pin point what "it" is

maybe it's partially remembering this time of my life last year and how i was literally fighting like hell everyday to feel anything. while life itself was very much in full bloom last year at this time my insides felt as empty as the tomb on easter sunday. i really try to not give ppd any more time that it already stole from me. while it taught me many important life lessons and God used it to better me as a person, i am so over living in fear that it will return. fear is only a feeling and i refuse to let it define who i am. the amazing lesson i learned is that my God is limitless. He is bigger than any problem or issue i will ever face and He is capable to do anything.

lately i sense a spiritual 'spring cleaning' going on in my heart. God is leading me in new directions and i am finally learning what it feels like to live a life of trusting Him completely. it's scary because this mamma likes control but the important thing is i'm learning to let go and let God. whether with relationships, possible future career changes, family planning, circumstances, hopes or dreams it feels so good to just let go and storm heaven's gates pursuing God's direction for my life.

therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. for the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. consider him who endured such oppositions from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

hebrews 12:1-3

busted

why are you so cute especially when you're being naughty?

look at that facial expression.

brother now has a 4 word vocabulary, the latest of which is "more" pronounced like 'moahr'

so smart already

quote

"don't ask what the world needs. ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. because what the world needs is people who have come alive"

Dr. Howard Thurman

ran across this on kelle hampton's blog "enjoying the small things" and have been thinking deeply about what it truly means., especially for my life.

{more on that later, i need to go lay down and rest}

i was blessed with the lovely flu bug that hit me like a ton of bricks last night at 2 am.

i will spare you the gnarly details. promise.

i hate being sick.

spring

it's 70 degrees outside. i know because the little and i just had a playdate which included being outside with a dear mommy friend and her sweet miracle baby girl. i'm not even kidding, she is a complete miracle. and she's beautiful.

let me re-iterate; it's 70 degrees out AND it's march 14 AND i live in a state where winter exists.

PTL!

today on his noon hr the mr informed me that this weather isn't acceptable because it's tax season (which means long work days) and to put it bluntly it's easier to be motivated at work when it's blizzarding outside your window

{thanks for working your tail off for us hunny, you are so respectable, and cute. okay i will stop embarrasing you}

here are the fruits from my media fast "cheat day" the littles first flip flops. brother is tough with sharks on his tootsies.

stay tuned for a piece i'm working on regarding why living on the sidelines isn't for me anymore. it was sparked by the below quote. while i don't know you personally mary oliver, i like what you had going on here.

"tell me what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" mary oliver

survival of the fittest

my heart is still beating.
my lungs are exchanging oxygen.
despite no facebook, blogs, and very limited internet sites for the past 30 days...

i'm still alive.

okay the above is completely and utterly sarcastic but don't we sometimes live like we would DIE without our cell phone, favorite TV shows, internet, facebook, the list goes on.

i have to be honest and let everyone know i did cheat once or twice and the websites that got me were crazy8.com and youtube.com. because brother needed some new spring clothes and this mamma had a 25% off coupon that expired. and i have a small (read: massive) obsession with music. (pitbull/chris brown international love anyone?!) please forgive me.

i am proud to say i did NOT cheat with facebook or any blogs, ever. that was what i needed a fast from most and i did it.

hail yes i did it. and it was so worth it.

next on my leap list? training for a marathon 5K.
lawd have mercy.

mr blue eyes

such a handsome little man already

{a couple of my favorite silly pictures from gavin's 1 year photo shoot}

another playdate

{with cousin larkin}

are these not two of the cutest kids ever?

i think so too.

Up Up and Away

mr gavin celebrated his first birthday

the evening was beautiful in my mind. airplane theme was cute.
there were presents (mine happen to be sitting right next to me)

there was a little number one candle

we sang 'happy birthday' loudly

we shoved cake into our mouths (mommy included)(just kidding)(maybe...)

without a care in the world

brother is smart... double fisting it

all 6 and 3/4 cousins came along to celebrate and play (one is still in utero and will make her grand debut in may)

we gave thanks to God that both grandma's were able to make it in good health. both of these women are so important to me. one raised me. one raised my husband (and did one heck of a job) they both taught me and continue to teach me how to be the best mamma to gavin.

i'm not gonna lie though, i think they love gavin more than me.

{grin}

we also gave thanks for all the people below. we have been so blessed by family. so incredibly blessed.

i've been told more than once that gavin looks a lot like my dad, to which my dad replied "poor kid"

you know dad... gavin's kickin your butt in the hair department. maybe after his third haircut we can save some and make you a toupee?

i can already hear the reply - "i'm bald because i raised two girls"

touche dad, touche.

most of all we give thanks to God for the precious gift of gavin. he changed every aspect of our lives and we wouldn't want it any other way.

Happy First Birthday Sweet Boy. We Love You!

{Day 19}

of media fast.

I don't miss facebook, at all. I texted Laura the day and informed her I'm quite certain I'm going to d/c it completely after this media fast is over.

The flip side of that coin is that my heart is aching to catch up on all the blogs I do follow. I did not realize just how much support/insight/relatability I find in those other women's entries. While I do not know all of the women personally I feel like I do "know" them because of the beautiful and real way they share themselves via writing. The blog world is awesome like that.

Strange, but awesome.

Sometimes in life communcation is difficult for me. The thoughts/ideas that are in my head don't exactly come out of my mouth as I wish they would. But oh when I sit down and write, clarity shines through. Writing provides such therapy to my soul. Often times after I'm done writing I'm suprised at what I learned by just letting my heart speak. It allows me to share some of the deepest parts of my soul. It still amazes me that anyone takes the time to read what I have to write on my little corner of this blog world, but if you do thankyou from the bottom of my heart. It is very generous of you to take time to stop here.

Now I have a request for you. Will your take the time and leave me a comment to let me know what keeps you coming back here to read? Encouragement? Humor? Don't be shy...you can be honest, my feelings aren't easily hurt and if you come here daily to remind yourself you have things together way more than me I'm fine with that :)

Now go ahead and click on that little comment button and leave me your two cents.