un content

Something has been going on in my heart lately and I can't ignore it any longer. Blame it on this season of more, more, more. Being new years eve, I find myself intentionally thinking of things I want to improve on in 2012.

One intentional area of improvement involves contentment. I will work on being content with what I have and not comparing it to what "everyone else has". If I'm completely honest, my heart lately has been more full of "look what so and so has, how do they afford that, on one income? what are we doing wrong? i want __________ (fill in the blank with whatever you covet)

Here's the thing - I have everything I need and more.

Be still my heart.

Be thankful.

Help others and don't always think of your own desires.

One lesson I've learned in my twenty some odd years is that material possessions will never satisfy. Did you hear me? Material.Possessions.Will.Never.Satisfy. What they will do is leave you longing for more, and more and more. Buyers remorse anyone? It's an ugly, infectious, and potentially terminal cycle. Quite similar to a MRSA or VRE infection that no antibiotics can touch because the "bug" is too smart for the treatment. It can go something like this, you buy a bigger house because you need more room, but then wait you need better furniture to go in your bigger house, and you need new decorations for your new house, and new dishes, and probably a new vehicle to put in your new garage. The infection spreads and soon it's nothing short of lethal to your soul. I won't pretend to have never been on a similar cycle, although it was more of a lust-after-newer-and-nicer-things-and-compare-what-we-have-to-what-other-have cycle... but thank God it's a new year and I'm bailing off that pony.

While I don't ever remember going without when I was young, I do remember both of my parents working their tails off to provide for me. I heard and hated the word "budget". While in junior high I resented my Mom because she wouldn't buy me a pair of $50 jeans with holes in them. Good call Mom, what the h was I thinking?! My parents succeeded and ingrained gratitude deep into the crevices of my soul. Thanks Mom & Dad. I refuse to raise an ungrateful child myself. I will intentially parent Gavin to be aware of those people who have nothing, do without, and probably have more joy than we will ever know because they rely solely on God.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in every and any situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:12-13

Cheers to a new year and learning contentment!

Stay tuned for a ' christmas and year-in-review' post coming soon.

12.25.11

Merry Christmas from the Kroeze's

{we hope your day is full of celebration and you find yourself surrounded by those you love, remember Jesus is the reason for the season}

letter to my son

Dear Gavin,

As I sit here writing this you are fast asleep on your side cuddling with ponds; your stuffed frog. I'm not sure there's anything greater than tip toeing in your room while you are sleeping. The night light causes your soft skin to glisten and I could just watch you for hours. I often find myself putting my hand on you and praying. Praying that God is with you while you sleep. Praying that I am the Mom to you that God wants me to be. Praying with happy tears that God choose me to be your Mom. Praying that you will grow up to know and love God. I'm not sure I knew a love this deep until God gave me you. You are such a joy to me.

I love your shy & silly personality. It is in so many ways just like your Daddy {I love him too you know} Want to know a secret? I like love that you don't just give out your smiles to strangers... it means more when you so willingly give them to me. It lets me know that you love and trust me. Your dimples melt straight through to my soul each and every time. That giggle of yours is quite hilarious too, we've been calling you 'Gavin The Goat' for quite some time. I love that, just like your Daddy, once you warm up you are the life of the party, causing everyone to smile and laugh. You are really blessed to have the Daddy you do. He loves you so, so much.

I guess we technically already had our first Christmas together. You probably don't remember but you were warm, cozy and growing like crazy in my belly. Mommy enjoyed lots of extra treats last year because she could blame it on 'baby weight' (Don't worry, Grandma seems to love to feed you just about anything she can get her hands on so don't plan on being let down this year)

To me, one of the best things about being your Mom is that I get to create memories for you. Memories that will stick with you for a lifetime, and trust me, your Mamma knows how to have a good time. You are so impressionable and I promise myself and God every day that I will shower you with love. I will really be there for you, make time for you. There really is nothing I wouldn't do for you Gavin. You have changed my life completely, and some days I'm not convinced I actually "lived" before having you. Seeing life through your bright baby blues has caused me to question so much, to really explore my beliefs and what is important to me and what I will make important for you.

In 3 short days we will enjoy our first Christmas together. Daddy, Mommy, Gavin and Maya. I can't wait to see your child like wonder when you open your gifts. I have big plans for our future buddy boy. Plans to decorate cut out cookies, plans to eat cut out cookies, plans to listen to loud Christmas music (because all good music should be played loud) plans to make snow angels, plans to stay in our Christmas pj's all day if we wish. Oh and one small thing, both your Grandma's made your Daddy and I wait until all the dishes were clean before we could open presents when we were little. I promise to you that for one day I will put away my OCD tendencies and leave the mess so we can get to the fun part and make a bigger mess. Promise! I also promise I will teach you what the true gift of Christmas is - the gift that God sent His one and only Son because He loved us so much.

Sweet dreams my precious baby boy.

I love you to the moon and back

Love,

Mommy

4 days of Christmas

i had big plans to do a 25 days of christmas post but since the weather doesn't even warrant wearing a coat these days, and i can still see grass ,the time slipped away from me. in my twenty some years i only remember one christmas that wasn't white and i might be praying daily for those big flakes to make their beautiful return and fall silently to the earth.

{it just doesn't feel like christmas without snow}

snow or no snow the christmas spirit has been high in our house since, well, the day after thanksgiving. baking is complete. house is decorated. christmas outfit for babe picked out. stockings hung. presents all bought and meticulously wrapped with real ribbon. christmas pictures done. we are all eagerly awaiting the big day. {i may have let my child open his first gift a little early}

my heart is always giddy around this time of year, but we are in for an extra dose of joy since we will be celebrating baby's first chritmas and our first christmas as a family of three.

thank you God for blessing us with Gavin, our hearts have never known so much joy

pay it forward

"paying it forward is

lending a helping hand to someone in need.

it's making a huge difference by doing something small.

it's leaving the world a better place than you found it"

{pay it forward foundation}

My sister, her husband and little guy and our family went on a spur-of-the-moment-quick-out-to-eat-shopping-extravaganza- this weekend. We called ahead to one of our favorite restaurants to get our name in and long story short we ended up waiting forever a long time to get seated. Thankfully there was loud country music playing so my sister and I could dance and bounce our babies to our hearts content. I was sweating at one point in time. hah.

My punctual husband went and asked the hostess what was going on after like an hour of waiting and she said "oh looks like we accidentaly skipped over your number".

wait, what?

ugh.

{I think God was secretly working on teaching me patience which definately does not come naturally to me, especially not while trying to console/entertain a 9 month old in tight-quarters with empty bellies}

We finally were seated and got both boys in their high chairs and ordered. My brother in law started talking about how he heard on the radio about this 'pay it forward weekend' and how influencial that could be. My sister added that someone had actually paid for her lunch that day and she was revived to know kindness still existed.

Across from our table was a couple enjoying a meal together. I had overheard them talking on the way in that it was their 11th wedding anniversary. I couldn't help but notice the husband was reading his wife scripture from his worn out, underlined, and hi-lighted pocket Bible during supper. I was taken back by this scene. What a true man, what a spiritual leader. Wow.

We decided we would 'pay it forward' for them. A random act of kindness with pure intentions and nothing expected in return.

We were lucky enough to see there faces when they got their bill and the waitor had written:

"Merry Christmas, your bill has been taken care of"

The husband looked at the wife who grabbed the ticket and looked back at him like "what?!" I don't think they believed it at first, but the joy it brought them was evident. In turn this couple was so generous that they gave the waitor a $20 tip.

You see kindness is contagious like that, it has an infectious way of changing people and giving them hope and joy. It's a 'win-win' situation across the board.

I can't really play the "i'm-emotional-because-i'm-pregnant-or-i'm-emotional-because-i-have-a-newborn" card anymore so I guess I was just plain emotional. My heart felt giddy and thankful to impact someone's day. Even though I didn't personally know them I think our actions touched them, at least I hope so. I felt blessed to be a blessing. Don't worry,I didn't cry (in case you were wondering) my eyes were just a little damp... i have allergies you know.

I vaguely remember a sermon regarding doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. The pastor made the point how it's amazing when you help others what joy it brings to your heart. That is a feeling money can't buy. He mentioned that joyous feeling comes because when we help others without expecting anything in return we are doing the work God intended us to do and that my friends bring real joy...always.

Don't forget the impact one small act of kindness can have.

How can you 'pay it forward'?

a bone to pick

If you are of child bearing/rearing age chances are that you've been pummeled with this line more than once.

"Breast is best"

Well, my friends and fellow bloggers, here is my line.

"Breast is not always best"

{Cue the "gasping, jaw dropping face some of you might be wearing right now" You may be thinking "She is a nurse, how dare she say that?" }

I say that not only as a nurse but as a fellow Mom.

Like you, I had been pumelled (ie beat to death) with the idea that "breast is best-it is the only way- don't even think about any other options- do not entertain the thought of bottles and certainly don't entertain the thought of the "f" (formula) word.

And what I have to say in response to the above would not be rated PG, so I will keep those thoughts/words to myself.

Grin.

After Gavin was born I struggled with breastfeeding and did not want to entertain the idea of formula at first. I had a mild postpartum hemorrhage which interuppted the normal flow of breastfeeding in more than one way. I do not share this to "make excuses" rather I share this to enlighten people why breastfeeding isn't always tangible.

Since I lost extra blood my "supply" was minimal. (Sorry if that's TMI, I'm trying to keep this PG) I worked with a lactation consultant (who I have nothing againt, she really went above and beyond for me) who advised me to breastfeed both sides for 20 minutes, then pump for 10-15 minutes, then syringe feed my babe the breastmilk and if need be add minumum amount of formula.

Oh and one minor detail - I was instructed to do this every 2-3 hours.

Newsflash - this took almost 2 hours to complete. This nonsense and chaos lasted 7 days.

7 long days.

In all honesty all I needed to hear was that it was okay to feed my baby formula and that it didn't make me a failure as a Mother. I had been beat over the head with that ridiculous idea for so long and I needed to break free of that. I did end up hearing those glorious words from my doctor who I highly respect. We introduced formula and bottle feeding and Gavin & I both thrived.

So if you're in a similar boat and feeling less than proud- consider me your lifeline.

You do not have to breastfeed to be a great Mom.

Let me repeat that louder;

YOU.

DO.

NOT.

HAVE.

TO.

BREASTFEED.

TO.

BE.

A.

GREAT.

MOM.

In talking with fellow Mom's I've found out that breastfeeding certainly is not a cake walk for everyone. Don't get me wrong here, if it works for you and you would have been a dairy cow in another life- I tip my hat to you, good job. But here's the thing - just because it worked for you doesn't mean it's going to work for everyone, and that doesn't make them any less of a great Mom than you.

There, I feel better having that off my chest.

{disclaimer - this blog reflects my personal opinion, and although i have a medical degree and work for very talented doctors, this reflects my opinion alone}

A side note - Gavin's 9 month pictures are back, and I'm convinced he's the cutest baby there ever was. Here is a sneak peek.

wait, what?

so it goes something like this. i used to make handmade cards, a lot. then i had a baby who i prefer to spend almost every waking second with.

cards were put on hold, a very long hold.

but don't worry, my supplies were dusted off the other day while my 9 month old baby (yes he's that old now) napped.

the end result; a happy momma with some really cute gifts.

i have pics to prove it for you skeptics out there who don't believe i'm a good crafter...

{grin}

{ thank you to my lovely stampin up demonstrator mel for helping me come up with ideas and ordering me all the supplies}

{also thank you to my husband who may suffer from OCD when it comes to cutting things just so. thanks to you my cards are perfect}

what's that saying...measure twice cut once?

or there's always eyeballing it...

Happy Wednesday All. Christmas is 18 days away - be happy, be very happy.

she's here

can i share my excitement with you?

remember when i was lusting over this?

well...no need to lust anymore people;

she is here.

a true beauty.

a true investment.

she is my very own, drum roll please...

Canon Rebel T3

Merry Christmas to Me!

Hope you like taking pictures baby Gavin because I'm pretty sure this might lead to you being the most photographed baby there ever was.

{p.s. i'm in love}

thankful

in all honesty "thanksgiving lists" overwhelm me.

and apparently the season was extremely busy because i'm a few days late with this post.

i have so much to be thankful for, i know that sounds cliche but it's the honest truth. when coming up with a "list" i always think... should it be sentimental? practical? all inclusive? funny?

regardless of my approach the outcome always ends up looking something like a toddler that has their shoes on the wrong feet. just not quite right...and don't you love how they never realize this? i mean seriously that has to feel awful. like a bad wedgie awful.

anyway... in the interest of thanksgiving lists; here it goes

* i am thankful that i have no idea what it is like to be hungry, homeless, or without family

* i am thankful to be married to my best friend & junior high sweet-heart that makes me laugh almost constantly {yes, i'm serious, the romance began in 7th grade}

* i am thankful to be the proud mamma of the sweetest baby boy i've ever known

* i am thankful to be physically & emotionally healthy and feeling well

* i am thankful to have most of our relatives close by (i will admit some days i have to remind myself this is a blessing...) those of you who have lots of family close by understand

{grin}

* i am thankful for our beautiful home full of all sorts of cozy things and memories

* i am thankful for my faith and personal relationship with Jesus and that i can worship Him anytime and anywhere i wish

* i am thankful that starting in january i will be working part time rather than full time

* i am thankful for lindt lindor truffles (the red package) and chocolate in any shape or form

* i am sort of thankful for my dog (even on the days when she thinks she is a goat and eats our trash)

* i am thankful for freedom of speech and for the therapy that writing on this blog provides me

* i am thankful for photography because it is a way to capture things and "stop time" sort of.

* i am thankful for cold days when i can snuggle on the couch curled up with a good book

* i am thankful for thunder storms & blizzards

* i am thankful that over the past year God has mended relationships in my life

* i am thankful for all the opportunities i have had in my life, including becoming educated as a nurse and all this career entails.

* i am thankful for modern medicine (read as epidurals in labor - thank GOD! and i thought i wanted to go "all natural" bah!)

* i am thankful that i was raised in a Christian home and taught real values that still impact my life today

So there you have it. A grocery list of thankfullness. Now on to my favorite season of all time...

CHRISTMAS!

first words?

you will want to scroll down and "pause" the music on the left side of the screen so that you can hear

this was one of those heart stopping moments as a mamma...gavin said "daa-daa" in that sweet, innocent little boy voice that is music to my ears. i am so proud of him. he is SO smart already. we taught him to clap too you know. the mr. was almost teary eyed when i showed him the video. it's no wonder he said daa-daa first since we practice it all the time :)

stay tuned for our next video which is sure to show the little saying "maa-maa" he's a quick learner and it's mamma's stay at home day tomorrow! YAY.

crafternoon

DIY Christmas Card Holder

{i think all the supplies cost around $10 and it's pretty cute}

step 1. paint clothespins in a christmasy look

(if i had a canon rebel the pictures wouldn't be blurry like this p.o.s one)
{grin}

step 2. hot glue buttons on them

step 3. hang a ribbon somewhere in your house

step 4. attach the cute clothespins to the ribbon

step 5. attach christmas grams when they come in the mail

t - 43 days people
go get your christmas on!

whispers

You know the way your wrist feels when you were bound-and-determined to carry all the groceries into the house making only one trip from the car? The way you feel literally weighed down by the canvas bags filled with cereal, the plastic shiny ones filled with fruits, veggies and let's-be-honest-candy. I once had so many bags on my wrist I thought I might witness my own hand being amuputated by grocery bags, right there in the comfort of my own garage. I can picture the headlines already.

"Women in hurry, bound and determind to only make one trip to take groceries in pays unfortunate price with loosing her hand."

A different time I thought the indent that was left in my wrist may just be permanent. If you're lucky and no bags burst on the way, you make it to the inside door and have to try to shimmy and shake it open. Then cue half of your body entering (bags first) while using your ass to hold the door open while balancing orange juice under your chin to see the 'holy grail' (counter) to heave all your items on. Oh yes, and don't smoosh the bread.

The Mr. does not like smooshed bread.

Exhale.

But wait - don't forget about the 24 lb baby still strapped in his 5 point harness patiently waiting and grinning from ear to ear after witnessing what appeared to him as possible insanity.

Am I alone in feeling somewhat similar to what's described above in my everyday life at times? I doubt it. But if I am and you have it all figured out, you can stop reading. Hope you were humored or cracked a smile thinking about your own grocery adventures.

Here's the thing. I feel God working in my life lately and whispering things to my heart that I didn't think He ever would. Whispers that deserve to be prayed about, saught after, and hopefully one day revealed.

Here's the other thing. The culture and day we live in doesn't exactly promote quiet time spent with the Lord. Quite the opposite actually, there's work, family responsibilities, laundry, cooking, Bible study, couples club, fill in the blank with whatever you like. Sometimes I wonder if it's possible to live a life that's pleasing to God if we are so busy running constantly. Can we hear His spirit whispering? Are we listening for it? Because in all honesty I have missed the whispering on occasion and paid some heavy consequences.

I am blessed to have a friend that knows the scriptures better than I do. I text her last night and asked "what are some good verses about God leading people" I woke up to an email this morning plump full of verses. Thank God for your friends.

Psalm 37:23 "The steps of good men are directed by the Lord. He delights in each step they take."

Got me to thinking, does God delight in the steps I'm currently taking in my walk with Him? Do I trust Him enough to listen to those whispers He is placing in my heart or will I just ignore them and continue running with everyday life.

{Because running and business sometimes is easier}

Isaiah 58:11 "The Lord will continually guide you."

I love to meditate on the fact that God knew everything about me before I was born. He knew all my funny quirks (there are many) He had work set aside for me before I was even formed. He willed me to be. I am His. I am a child of God. You are His child too.

I love reflecting on how this amazing and powerful God I serve knows everything and I can climb right under his arms and find solace. Now that I am a mother I reflect on the love I have for my own son and I think, there cannot be a love that is greater but there is... God loves for us is greater. That's huge. Praise God for that.

Praise God that we can lay down all our bags, canvas or plastic, heavy or light, filled with good things or filled with junk on Him. He gladly takes away our burdens.

He loves us that much.

Psalm 32:8 " I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go. I will counsel you with my eye upon you."

What is God whispering to you today?

bliss...

times five

Last year was so exciting when we found out that all 5 of us girl cousins on my Mom's side were expecting and all due around the same time. Now here we are with 5 beautiful, healthy, and NOISY babies. God is so good!

Meet the littles

{Left to right}

Carter (Lee & Alissa) 8 months old 2/23/11

Gavin (Brady & Tina)8 months old 3/5/11

Kinley (Matt & Erin) 7 months old 3/12/11

Liv (Clint & Lara) 7 months old 3/30/11

Kennedy (Jeremy and Mandy) 5.5 months old 4/15/11

my-almost-8-month-old

I'm not sure where the time has flown off to again but Gavin is almost 8 months old. In an effort to remember these fyling by times, I am blogging them.

mr. personality: Gavin is very smiley (especially with people he knows) and those dimples I dreamed about for 9 months never fail to pierce right through to my heart. I swear the world stops when he grins. If you are lucky and get a really big grin you will even get to see the "nose crinkle".


mr. chatterbox: Gavin is very noisy lately and says "Daa-Daa", screams at the top of his lungs and giggles a lot


mr. mover: Gavin would prefer to either sit or stand and thinks the whole crawling thing is not for him....yet. My Mom says he reminds her of me when I was little - just content to sit and play and not in a hurry to move. That is definately fine with Brady and I as we are in no hurry to enter the mobile phase.

Look at those thighs, my favorite is the roll on the knees :) Topping the growth chart at around 23lb. Adorable.

mr. hungry: His latest thing? Holding his own bottle. He still eats 6 oz at a time and has 5 bottles a day. Mix that in with some baby food for breakfast, dinner, and supper and we have one happy baby!



mr. smarty: He now reaches when he wants to be picked up. His little mind is learning and he knows hes got Mamma and Daddy wrapped around his finger.



mr. sleepy: He is not much for cuddling these days, as he prefers to just be layed down in his crib and will talk himself right to sleep as night. He sleeps from about 9:00pm to 6:30 or 7:00 am. He's still an awesome napper as well.

Every good and perfect gift is from above. James 1:17

when the snow flies

Today I'm dreaming about a day when I look outside to a blanket of white. A day where those bare-brown branches gleam with a frosty glaze.

Today I'm dreaming about winter.

Yes, winter.

I realize most people dread winter. I embrace it. Maybe it's because I know that when the thermometer reads in the single digits it means family traditions centered around holidays are right around the corner. Maybe it's because I'm finally not sweating the entire day long. Maybe it's because I love a slower pace of life centered around togetherness. Maybe it's because of my love for comfort food. Or maybe it's because I'm still dreaming that canon rebel will be wrapped up under my very own Christmas tree.

You see... the reasons for my love are many.

Last Christmas brought with it anticipation and joy of new life within my very own belly. This Christmas marks the celebration of babies first Christmas as well as our first Christmas as a family of three. Gavin already loves to play with paper so I'm thinking he's gonna be all over the whole unwrapping thing. Oh, and bright shiny things? They are on the top of his list of things to gaze at, the tree will be mesmerizing. My parents always let me decorate our Christmas tree with mis-matched ornaments and in the end it sort of looked like Christmas itself had thrown up right there on that poor tree. But you see, an important lesson was taught and learned. I learned I mattered and so did all my ornaments, and to them the tree always looked beautiful. So this year we continue the tradition and say "good-bye" to our martha-stewart tree and hello to our tree that will proudly sport a new and improved ecclectic look. Change is good. I can't wait to find the perfect 'babies first Christmas ornament' for Gavin. I will be a sentimental mess.

What am amazing priveledge it is to be a parent. God gives us the gift and responsibility of imprinting the lives of our children in such an influencial way.

My wheels are already churning and smoke's about to come out of my stack with ideas of new family traditions I want to start. Traditions that include new Christmas jammies, circle count down wreaths, and decorating the tree (perhaps a real live tree?) Traditions including decorating cut out cookines with holiday jingles serenading in the background. I can already picture a new playlist on the 'ol i-pod... we shall name her "sounds of heaven Christmas" This year also marks the first year our entryway table will display the entire willow tree nativity set (minus the creche, which by the way what on earth is a creche?!) I choose to call it a stable.

Nostalgic? Maybe.

It's a big deal people. It's the birth of our Saviour. It only comes once a year and I plan to enjoy the heck out of it. I hope you do to.

What are some family traditions you enjoy? Do share!

crazy love

Today I shared, laughed, and learned with a group of woman from my church. Our time together was focused around the book 'Crazy Love' by Francis Chan.

My thoughts after meeting together today:

powerful

worth going to

sure am glad Gavin did so well in nursery, thank you for such an easy-going loving little boy God!

learned a lot already

really should get that recipe for the butterscotch coffee cake with caramel on top {grin}

Chan writes:
"When I am consumed by my problems, stressed out about my life, my family, and my job - I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important that God's command to always rejoice. In other words I have a "right" to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsibilities"

We live in a world that over-emphasizes "me, myself & I" but the things is... it's not about us.

It's about God and what He has done for us. He is the author of every story and He loves us with a depth we cannot comprehend. We need to do more than just realize this, we need to believe it enough that it changes the way we live.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again Rejoice!" Phil. 4:4

Pinterest

Ran across this on my latest obsession, pinterest. Thought it was worth sharing.

Happy Weekend All!

{Pause}

I've been asked before why I write. My little corner of this blog world was visitied over eight-hundred times in the last month. I certainly don't know 800 people which means some of you are coming back a second, third, dare I say forth time? Over eight-hundred in one month. That is crazy to me.

I write for reasons far deeper than numbers and ratings but if you are still reading consider this a genuine thank-you! I hope you've been insprired, humored, or felt like you-have-it-all-together-more-than-she-does after reading my ramblings.

{grin}

I write to capture this life I've been blessed with. A life that is far from perfect, but is my life none-the-less, a life I'm proud of and grateful for. I will write the good right along with the hard material in hopes to reach out and inspire and affect people, you know, make a difference. I write because each day is a gift and not a given right (thanks Nickelback for those profoud lyrics, BTW your music rocks)

I believe we, as Mommies have some very priveledged roles and one of them is to be the memory keeper, whatever that means to all you Mommies out there. For some of you that's scrap-booking, taking oodles of pictures of your precious babes, others it's staying home full time, others it's just spending every waking moment you have with your littles, especially if you need to work outside the home. For me it is to do this thing that is so incredibly therapeutic and sit here and peck away on these black keys to my hearts content.

I hope some day when Gavin is much older he will look back at all of this and get a glimpse into what his life was exactly like when he was too young to remember. I hope he will read how loved he was and feel very proud. I hope he will understand and not think less of me as his Mom when he learns that after the joy of his birth I walked my darkest road through post-partum- depression and fought like hell, for him. I hope he knows he was worth every single tear through that struggle and I would do it all over again just for him. I hope he knows Brady and I are committed to raising him right to know the Lord and so are all the other people in his life. It takes a village to raise a baby you know.

I love that my husband gets giddy when he hears me typing like a mad women in my "spare" time (what exactly is spare time when you have a baby and full time job?!) and says "are you blogging" with this kid-in-candy-store-giddiness in his voice. For the record I make time to blog because it is important to me. For the record I always let the Mr read my entries before hitting that orange "publish post" button, especially if it is portraying the more difficult things life sometimes entails. He is such a sport and has yet to tell me "no". Thanks babe for making me feel proud of journaling our life.

On another note, Gavin turns 7 months old this week. PAUSE please? For some odd reason this whole 7-month thing has got me in sort of a tail spin because as I said to Brady earlier this week - that means he is closer to one than zero. I know. I know. Embrace it. Embrace that he is growing and developing normally and is healthy. I know that in my head, but my heart is looking for that pause button that doesn't exactly exist.

I don't want to forget this 6 month stage that has been the best. He sits now, by himself, you know. He cries for me if I'm not there when he wakes up from his nap. His hair somewhat resembles Conan O'Brien lately - time for his 2nd haircut? Ridiculous.

I don't want to forget the way he opens his mouth and bangs his hands on the tray of his high-chair when it's baby food time. I don't want to forget how Brady can get him to giggle with peek-a-boo . I don't want to forget the low pitched noise he makes while sticking his tongue out sounding like a tractor motor. I don't want to forget how no matter how hard he's crying, he stops as long as I sing him "our song". I don't want to forget how those baby blues light up every morning when he's awake and I turn the light on and say "Good Morning Big Boy" I don't want to forget that gaze we have when it's feeding time, the gaze that pierces straight though to my soul. I don't want to forget how he reaches to touch my face and also reaches to be picked up.

It's just I've never felt a love this deep. If you're a Mom, you understand.

And I won't forget it, but I will look back and miss these "easy" days. But for now, onward we go to the big-boy 7 month stage. I will try to embrace this next stage that seems to include mobility. Time to seriously baby-proof.

Love

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another, without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in it's various forms. 1 Peter 4:8-10

Memory Lane

In this beautiful world called photography we learn that photos can be more powerful than the most eloquent words. When taken just so, photos simply "catch" what words cannot describe.

Don't believe me?

Look below.

Thank-you Auntie "Yo-Ya" (as we call her) for the overdue date to Pumpkinland complete with pictures that make me beam with pride about my beautiful little boy.

Thankful Tuesday

Nothing quite like watching the game on a crisp fall evening with my 2 favorite boys decked out in their Patriots gear :) Maybe it's time Mom gets a jersey?!

Eco-Mom

Lately I've been feeling a little green. Not sick green. Green like earth-friendly-tree-hugger-money-saver-green.

Exhibit A. Home-made baby wipes.

Mix 3 cups water, 1 tablespoon baby wash, 1 tablespoon baby oil. Tear apart Bounty paper towels (select a size work best) and fold them. Here's where the Mr. took it up a notch and went all Eco-perfection on me folding them so that when you pull one out the next will automatically pop up.

Show-off.

{grin}

Soak the folded paper towels in the solution and squeeze excess fluid off. Then place in empty baby wipe container and they are ready to use.

(I filled 3 containers with one roll of paper towels. I'm no math expert but I'm pretty sure that saved some hard-earned moola)

Exhibit B - homemade baby food. The "6 month little" (21 lb 6 oz, 28 1/2 in long little) aced his well baby check up today. He protested when it was time for 3 shots, but do you blame him? Ouch, ouch & ouch! Don't worry we settled the protest with a 6oz bottle and a 3 1/2 hour nap {score} Our Dr. said he was the "picture of health" and for that I am thankful to God.

He's literally mastered the whole baby food thing already and opens his mouth like a little baby bird and whines if I don't get the food there fast enough. What.A.Ham. Anyways - baby food is sorta spendy and can be kept on the grocery store shelf for 12 months.

Yummy preservatives.

Ick.

Solution - I now make my own baby food. I'm borrowing a book from a friend called So Easy baby food by Joan Ahlers & Cheryl Tallman. It's as easy as buying the steam package peas at Hy-Vee, steaming them in microwave, adding some water, dumping in blender, and pressing "puree". Freeze 8-10 hrs then pop the cubes out into baggies and use as needed. Fresh, Healthy, and no preservatives. 2 bags of peas filled 2 ice cube trays full to the brim. Did I mention it's much more cost effective too?

I also made homemade baby food apples. Wash, peel, core/cut 4 apples. Cover with plastic wrap and cook in microwave for 5 minutes, the let stand for 5 minutes. Dump in blender and press "puree". 4 apples filled 1 ice cube tray. My kitchen now smells like Martha-Stewart :)

Exhibit C. Cloth diapers. Okay, I lied. I haven't gone that far. But I must admit the thought keeps crossing my mind...

Better hurry and get out of here before you too catch this nasty "green" bug.

Hello Friday

I'm borrowing this idea from a friend.

Hello pumpkin-land. Looking forward to visiting you real soon. I'm sure you won't dissapoint.

Hello newly sheet-rocked garage. Looking forward to not freezing my a*$ off this winter.

Hello September 9. The day that brought my best friend back to Iowa.

Hello forecast. I must say digits in the doubles are much more flattering on you.

Hello Canon Rebel I've been lusting after for far too long. Will I be seeing you underneath my Christmas tree this year? I've been a very good girl.

(photo curtesy of google images)

Hello Thirty-One. Consider me "in love"

Hello house peppered with baby things. I love the eclectic look you bring to my world.

Hello Happy Fall Weekend Everyone.

Sick Days

Sometimes in the world of blogging, we (aka all you fellow bloggers/readers) have a tendency to portray only the good things of our life. The things we are proud of. The things that are "bloggable" for lack of a better world :) In doing this, we miss reality and we miss opportunities of reaching people by portraying the good along with the not-so-pretty.

Deep, huh? Hardly.

Warning - I'm stepping on to my soap box {Grin}

I do not have it all together at all times. In fact I rarely have anything together ever. Case in point - Gavin was really sick this weekend, like completely and utterly inconsolable, fever of 102, crying so hard he was choking, and oh that sad look in his eyes - pierced right through to my soul and made me cry too. You're probably thinking - good thing you are a registered nurse, I'm sure you knew just what to do. My husband thought the exact same thing as we were discussing (hee-hawing) about whether or not to bring Gavin to the ER or wait-and-see when my husband said "well you're the nurse" Wrong answer Honey! Wrong.Answer. And besides I'm not really a wait-and-see-kinda-girl. My husband got the short end of the stick and I yelled at him, loudly, and it went something like this - "I'm his MOM in this situation, not his nurse, and I have already tried everything I advise other people to do in the same situation everyday and nothing is working, blah blah blah, just because you're a CPA and not a nurse you don't have to help decide what to do, blah blah blah??!!

Really pretty and ladylike to yell don't you think? Pretty classy, huh? Ugh. Embarrissing is more like it.

I had this Mommy instinct something was definitely going on with Gavin, and wouldn't you figure he got sick over the long weekend - clinic closed. One of the best parts of working in a clinic (no weekends/holidays) Suddenly this wasn't such a good thing. Anyways.

We waited it out a couple days before I had officially had enough and couldn't ignore that instinct any longer. So I made the executive decision (since I'm the nurse, remember?!) and we headed to the ER. Turns out he was sick; with a double ear infection. Ouch and ouch. Don't worry, little bug is doing much better now thanks to amoxicillin, tylenol, and lots of snuggling.

Moral of the story - I should have been thankful to have a loving husband who cares about me and our sick child. Thankful for a husband who is more than willing to help. Thankful for a husband who values my input regarding our child, nurse or not. The Mr. got up with the little more throughout those sleepless nights than I did when he was sick and crying. Thanks babe, you are the best (even though I did yell at you and say otherwise) So, learn from my not-so-pretty-yelling-frustration-and next time you're in the yelling boat, take a deep breath, count to 10, and be happy you have a loving spouse there to help you, even if he did say the wrong answer :-)

And...

always trust your Mommy instinct. ALWAYS.

I'm now stepping off my soap box. What's that? You're relieved. Very funny. {Grin}

{Don't Blink}

Happy 1/2 birthday my sweet baby boy. My how you've grown and my how my love for you has also grown. You are my pride and joy little one.

6 month stats: 20 lb 8oz 27 1/2 inches long :)

Poor fella is ringing in his big day with double ear infection. Thank goodness for tylenol, antibiotics, and a snuggly Mommy and Daddy.

Giggles

from an almost 6 month old...laughing at his silly Mamma fake sneezing :)

(you will want to scroll down and pause the playlist music on left of screen before starting video)

Littles I Love

{Being an aunt is one of life's greatest blessings}

One Year Ago

August 28, 2010, would have been your due date little one. God had different plans for your life, plans to take you home before we could ever meet you. One year has passed and I promised to myself and to God that I would never forget you, and I haven't and I won't... {ever} Not a day passes that I don't think of you running in the streets of gold in the presence of God himself. I long for the day I get to meet you little one.

God is always faithful and His plan is always perfect, even when we don't understand. Especially when we don't understand. I wish I could say my heart is completely "healed" from the hurt of loosing you, but to say that would be a lie. This morning I woke up with a heart ache and tears in my eyes to think that you would have been one today. Your Daddy misses you too. He hugged me with tears in his eyes and whispered in my ear "I miss our little one" It isn't fair. Life on this side of heaven will never be fair. But we trust God had a special plan for your life.

In your short 12 weeks of life you taught me life lessons I will never forget. Thank you for teaching me just how fragile and beautiful life is. Thank you for teaching me how to love. I bet you are so proud to be a big brother/sister to little Gavin. I wonder if the two of you would have looked alike. You know he is pretty darn handsome with those big baby blues, head full of hair and dimples. When he laughs he sounds like a goat. I'm sure you are beautiful too, and full of little quirks God gave you. Gavin will never replace the empty spot in my heart that is reserved for you, however God has healed my heart through him, he gives me purpose to live, love, and be the best Mom I can be.

And we know that in all things God works through the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Faith

Click here for an inspirational blog by one talented writer who I'm blessed to call my sister.

Alissa, you are a beautiful woman of God. You have taught me so much about true faith and beauty. You've "danced in the rain" and God has worked through your story and through little Jude and Larkin. Not a day goes by that I don't miss Jude but I find comfort that he is in heaven and is Gavin's guardian angel. God's plan is perfect and always prevails. Love you guys!

There is a time for everything

and a season for every activity under the heavens

a time to be born and a time to die

a time to plant and a time to uproot

a time to kill and a time to heal

a time to tear down and a time to build

a time to weep and a time to laugh

a time to mourn and a time to dance

Ecclesiates 3:1-4