Littles I Love

{Being an aunt is one of life's greatest blessings}

One Year Ago

August 28, 2010, would have been your due date little one. God had different plans for your life, plans to take you home before we could ever meet you. One year has passed and I promised to myself and to God that I would never forget you, and I haven't and I won't... {ever} Not a day passes that I don't think of you running in the streets of gold in the presence of God himself. I long for the day I get to meet you little one.

God is always faithful and His plan is always perfect, even when we don't understand. Especially when we don't understand. I wish I could say my heart is completely "healed" from the hurt of loosing you, but to say that would be a lie. This morning I woke up with a heart ache and tears in my eyes to think that you would have been one today. Your Daddy misses you too. He hugged me with tears in his eyes and whispered in my ear "I miss our little one" It isn't fair. Life on this side of heaven will never be fair. But we trust God had a special plan for your life.

In your short 12 weeks of life you taught me life lessons I will never forget. Thank you for teaching me just how fragile and beautiful life is. Thank you for teaching me how to love. I bet you are so proud to be a big brother/sister to little Gavin. I wonder if the two of you would have looked alike. You know he is pretty darn handsome with those big baby blues, head full of hair and dimples. When he laughs he sounds like a goat. I'm sure you are beautiful too, and full of little quirks God gave you. Gavin will never replace the empty spot in my heart that is reserved for you, however God has healed my heart through him, he gives me purpose to live, love, and be the best Mom I can be.

And we know that in all things God works through the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Faith

Click here for an inspirational blog by one talented writer who I'm blessed to call my sister.

Alissa, you are a beautiful woman of God. You have taught me so much about true faith and beauty. You've "danced in the rain" and God has worked through your story and through little Jude and Larkin. Not a day goes by that I don't miss Jude but I find comfort that he is in heaven and is Gavin's guardian angel. God's plan is perfect and always prevails. Love you guys!

There is a time for everything

and a season for every activity under the heavens

a time to be born and a time to die

a time to plant and a time to uproot

a time to kill and a time to heal

a time to tear down and a time to build

a time to weep and a time to laugh

a time to mourn and a time to dance

Ecclesiates 3:1-4

Just Roll With It.

Apparently someone was inspired by the big boy haircut .

Gavin rolled over for the first time the day after his 'new do'.

I was at a Stampin Up Card Class when I got a picture message from a very excited Daddy that said "Look Mommy I rolled over" and there he was. Little stinker was on his tummy with a big toothless grin, and boy did he look proud. I may have cheered out loud at that card class and got a few interesting looks, but what do I care, I am proud as punch of him!

On a side note - you can stop doing all these "big boy" things now and stay little longer :)

Another side note - my best friend and her husband are MOVING back home! She has been gone for over 2 years and her career has taken her to Texas and most recently Montana. We have the type of relationship that goes way back over 10 years. Distance and time can't touch our closeness, when we see eachother it's like nothing has changed. Cue the coffee dates, double dates, girls nights out, lakes, and pumpkinland. Ahhh, God is so good, and my heart is giddy! Love ya Laura :)

Balancing Act

Today I came home with a little heartache. An ache over the fact that I'm back at work full time and don't get to spend every waking moment with my Gavin. A part of that aching stems from me feeling bummed I didn't exactly enjoy my 10 week maternity leave given the fact I was battling a depression so deep I didn't know up from down. Mulligan please?! Now I know it would be full of smiling, laughing, and plain loving instead of all those damn tears and feelings of worthlessness.

Don't get me wrong here. Gavin is in good hands when I am at work and we are blessed spoiled that both of his Grandma's watch him one day a week. And Kristin his daycare provider loves him like her own. Not to mention I get every Tuesday off to spend with him. Not many kids get the quality care he receives. It's not that, it's just I miss him terribly when I am at work. I find my thoughts drifting to him and wondering if it's nap time for him or if he's hungry and if he is I want to cuddle my little bug and feed him. He holds onto Mamma's pinky finger and I get lost in those baby blues every time I feed him.

I was talking with a dear friend at work the other day and we discussed how maybe, just maybe Mamma's were meant to stay home. Slower pace of life. Time to care for our littles and just be. Maybe even keep a tidy house and make a delicious meal more than once a week. Call me nostalgic, I don't care.

Then we also got to talking about how we really do love our careers as well. One of my passions in life is being a nurse. I work alongside of some of the most compassionate, smart, caring, and downright hilarious people. They are like family to me. I love that my job allows me to advise people on many different paths of life, from the new Mamma with questions about her littles all the way to helping the elderly make sense of "all these dang pills!"I breathe variety inside those clinic doors. I feel accomplished there, needed. I work alongside of family practice physicians that are top of the line and take pride in their work.

But I love my "career" as a Mamma more. I love figuring out what all Gavin's little coes mean and getting him to smile and laugh. I feel accomplished when I get him down for a nap, when I make him laugh, or when someone else is holding him and I see him arching his head and neck looking all around for me... his Mamma. I love that I feel a bond so strong to him that there literally isn't anything I wouldn't do for that little bug.

One word comes to my mind over and over.

Balance.

Webster neatly describes balance as an aesthetically pleasing integration of elements; mental and emotional steadiness.

So balance is what I'll strive for. While registered nurse is one of my titles, I do not consider it my most dignified title, wife & mother are. I pray my life reflects this.

Tasty Thursday

So I've made lots of scotcharoos lately.

I don't mean to toot my own horn,

BUT

I've been told they were delicious...by more than one person.

Like they were so good my brother-in-law ate one after every meal on vacation, and the whole pan only lasted 1 1/2 days on my other family vacation, and I brought some to work the other day and they were gone demolished by 11:00 am.

Toot! Toot! (So what I'm a little proud of myself!)

Scotcharoo Secret recipe (Thanks Mom!)

1 cup light karo syrup
1 cup sugar
1 cup peanut butter
6 cups Corn Flakes
1 cup NESTLE brand butterscotch chips (secret's out!)
1 cup SEMI SWEET chocolate chips (other secret's out!)

Mix Karo syrup and sugar in pot, bring to boil. Remove from heat quickly (if you don't you will have really HARD bars) Stir in peanut butter. Pour mixture over 6 cups of corn flakes (don't worry about stirring gently, it's okay if they break). Press into greased 9x13 pan.

*Tip: get your hands wet with cold water before pressing them down, it helps alleviate the bars from stiking to your hands.

Melt butterscotch and chocolate chips in microwave and spread on top.

Enjoy :)

Cutting Edge

Since you were born with hair like this....

I suppose I shouldn't be so suprised we did this

At only 5 months old.

Yesterday you got your first haircut. (After doing some convincing with your Daddy)

You sat on Mamma's lap and were so brave. (Okay I realize at 5 months old you had no idea what to be scared of) But still, I'm proud you were so brave! You actually laughed during most of it, no tears for this tough guy!

Mamma's heart skiped a beat when that long whispy piece in the back was cut off...

But oh, look how stinking adorable you are with your first little man haircut.

(Daddy admitted afterwards "he was glad you got your hair cut and thinks you look even more adorable" ) I told ya so!!!

Thanks for giving me my first haircut Auntie Alissa!

Book Worm

I have found myself on a little bit of a book kick lately. I know what you are thinking...how do you have time to read? The answer, Gavin = best.napper.ever. Thanks for being such a stud buddy, your Momma loves you so much. And besides I just got back from summer vacation #2 so I've had all the time in the world to read :) More on our summer vacations at a later post.

#1. Heaven is for real by Todd Burpo (image curtesy of google images). I literally couldn't put this book down once I started. It is a true story about a little boys story of his trip to heaven and back. Worth taking making the time to read it!

#2. The Help by Kathryn Stockett (image curtesy of google images) I am about half way through this book, I literally snagged it from my sister on vacation and haven't been able to put it down since. Thanks for sharing big sis :)

Challenge

Rewind 4 months ago:

My postpartum depression was at an all time high and I had been talked into going out to eat at Casey's Bakery in town. If I remember correctly it was chilli bash night. I had managed to get through the line (and masses of people because lets be honest, chilli bash is a big freaken deal around here) while juggling a diaper bag, purse and infant carrier. I was going to try to set my trey down to fill up my pop and was having absolutely no luck as there was no room to set it down. Frustrated, I started to walk away to try to find a table to set all my stuff down so I could come back and fill my drink. As I started to walk away a man by the pop machine noticed I was having a hard time balancing everything and said "Maam can I help you and hold you trey while you fill your drink?" I was caught quite off guard that this stranger would not only notice I was struggling, but offer and be so willing to help.

You're probably wondering what my point is...

My point is this; think how different this world we live in would be if we all acted more Christ-like and were willing to help someone without expecting something in return. Even if each person only did one thing, think how many people would be reached. The above story may seem really minute and frivilous to some, but I haven't forgotten the way it felt to be on the receiving end of this. My prayer is that I will be on the giving end as well.

My challenge to you is this: do something nice for someone today without expecting anything in return, you will be a Christ-like witness to them through your actions.

Top 5 Favorite Things

Baby Edition

#1. Dr. Brown's Bottles. Reduces colic/spit up. Consider this Mamma happy with the results.

#2. My skip hop diaper bag. Worth it's weight in gold. Only down side is that the straps aren't long enough to go around the stroller but I found a solution for this. Petunia Pickle Bottom vallet stroller straps :)

(photo courtesy of google images)

#3. Paul Mitchell Baby Don't Cry Shampoo. Keeps his precious locks clean, smooth, and smelling oh-so-good!

(photo curtosy of google images)

#4. Sneak-A-Peek-A-Boo. Our bedtime routine goes something like this, pajamas, night bottle, tucked in crib, then the famous book we've been reading to Gavin since he was only days old. He loves it, and giggles at a lot of the pictures, and heck he sleeps from 9pm to 7am most nights so I'm gonna keep reading!

(photo courtersy of google images)

#5. Taggie Blankies. An essential part of nap time in the Kroeze household. Especially perfect when the temps are in the 100's + and lugging around a big blankie is out of the question.

*Other Mamma's out there - what are some of your favorite things??? Leave a comment!