transformation

{The craziest yet most brilliant thing we’ve ever done}

The Mr and I joined forces and made a hard decision last week. That decision resulted in terminating our home phone line, internet connection, and TV. Let me clarify – we no longer get any channels on the old boob tube. No modern family, no grey’s anatomy, no private practice, no bachelorette (that one hurts) no golf, no ESPN, not even one fuzzy channel. Nada.

Crazy? Hmm, define crazy.

Liberating? For.100%.Sure

Let me start of by being clear when we say that this decision is not for everyone and we are not condemning anyone who has access to these “extras”. After all, we’ve been in our house for over 4 years and we have always had those pricey extras. It was really never a question. It was basically like, you buy groceries because you need to eat. You pay for electricity because you need heat/cooling systems. You pay your mortgage because you need a roof over your head. You pay for clothes because you need to not be naked in public (or at home for that matter) You pay your phone bill, internet bill, and cable/dvr bill because you need entertainment, or you need something to occupy idle time, or you need something to fill the silence in your day, or you need to be keeping tabs on what everyone else is up to. (thank you facebook for that last one)(my life is now complete knowing that so & so’s kid used the big boy potty today)(grin)

Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing, and perfect will.

Have you ever wondered what God’s will really is for you? The above states that the key that opens this door is a key that requires un-conforming. Quite frankly I’m sure God has been frustrated with me in this regard. I find myself praying prayers like “God lead me in the direction I should go or God show me what you want me to do and btw please hurry up because I need to go check my facebook, email, 23,498 blogs, and check my phone for new messages. The thought even once crossed my mind, I wish God had a blog or facebook, maybe then growing in Him would come a little easier. That last little bit is hard to admit and I feel full of shame even typing that. Wow had I completely missed the buck. Only now after making this decision do I feel like I’m starting to get it. Maybe others are better at setting limits for themselves, and not letting tv and internet connections take up unproductive hours of your day but for my husband and I this was a real struggle.

I started looking at this through a new set of eyes, through the eyes of my almost 15 month old. What were we teaching him by almost always having the tv on, or getting frustrated because he had gotten into something he shouldn’t have because we were in the other room on the computer? I knew my priorities needed a good nudge in the right direction.

Finances also played a role in our decision. Could we afford to pay the $130/month? Yes, easily but wasn’t it actually costing us more than mere money? We decided we would continue to set aside that amount of money each month but prayerfully consider what God would have us to do with it. That might sound ludacris to some and that’s okay with me because that is honestly what we felt the Spirit moving us to do.

We know in the grand scheme of things this is small. By cutting out $130/month we will not cure world hunger, but we are learning to listen to God’s whispers and live accordingly. These past days have been some of the best of my life, of course there have been moments when we’ve thought “what have we done?!”  But so far the good is outweighing the bad ten-fold. My husband put it perfectly when he said “my head feels so clear”. Amen buddy, so does mine. My Bible no longer has dust on it. I have freezer meals sitting in my freezer right now. Relationships seem smoother. I have time to pray, reflect, and listen to God. Suddenly Gavin isn’t throwing quite as many fits as he was previously. It is so true that kids just want your time and undivided attention. 

So does God.

{And for those of you who are wondering how I am blogging with no internet connection at home, the answer is the public library baby. I always knew I was a library geek at heart}

ham 'n hashbrown casserole

{works well to make ahead and store in freezer for a day when you don't have the time to answer that sometimes dreaded question... "what's for supper?!"}

1- 24 oz bag hashbrowns

1- can cream of chicken soup

1- small carton sour cream

1/2 cup melted butter

2 cups shredded cheddar cheese (we love sharp cheddar cheese here)

1/2 cup milk

3 cups ham cubes (can find by the sliced meat section)

salt and pepper to taste

onion flakes to taste

mix all ingredients together. fits snuggly in a 8x8 pan.

could double and use 9x13.

bake at 350 for 1 hr.

sit down and relax for that hour it's in the oven. 

(disclaimer: you have to follow through with all the instructions, especially the last one or it will be a complete flop.  so sit your little or big booty down for a change. the casserole will know. .

a quarter of a century

that's how old i am today. i just briefly visited google images shortly before coming here and the very words "tattoo ideas" were somehow typed into that lovely little search engine.

quarter-of-a-century-life-crisis-anyone?

maybe. i am okay with that if it is. after all i am marked by God himself as His own child and if i choose to display that via ink to my skin i guess it's my call. the mr has been contemplating getting inked for quite some time, maybe parlors have a bogo sale? if so then i'm definately in.

i'm learning to love and embrace who i am. strengths and weaknesses. we live in a cruel world that can be especially hard on women. the funny thing is that right here and now i feel my most beautiful despite those stubborn extra 10 lbs from pregnancy that have still taken up residence on my ___ (rhymes with grass, another name for a donkey)(wow you're so smart) i feel radiant despite the marks pregnancy left me with, some physical, some emotional. i don't particularly mind wearing my heart on my sleeve, i'm finding out it's not a bad place to have your heart. i'm starting to get "laugh lines" and instead of contemplating botox i'm brought to my knees thanking God for the very gift of laughter. it is medicine to my soul. God choose me to be a mom gavin's mom. not everyone on this earth gets that blessed gift of carrying another human being in your inmost soul only to meet them nine precious months later and likely be one of the most influential people in their life. so i wear my marks with pride. the way i see it i earned each and every one of those and they make me me. for once in my life i like who i am and where i am going. i am proud to just be me.

so cheers to twenty-five.

thank you God for being the author of my story.

thank you for blessing me with another year.

may i live it all to your glory.

virtuous woman

proverbs 31:1-31

"a wife of noble character who can find? she is worth far more than rubies.

her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.

she brings him good, not harm all the days of her life.

she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands

she is like the merchant ships, bring her food from afar.

she gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her women servants.

she considers a field and buys it; out of her earning she plants a vineyard.

she sets abour her work vigorously her arms are strong for her tasks.

she sees that her trading is profitable and her lamp does not go out at night.

in her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. she opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.

when it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

she makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat amonth the elders of the land.

she makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.

she is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come

she speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

she watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness

her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also praises her:

many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.

charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate"

little white hawk

how fitting that we named you gavin.

it means "white hawk"

and what a little hawk you are buddy. at first i wasn't sure the meaning fit but now i'm certain it does.

i love to contemplate baby names and i think i almost drove the mr to insanity with my inability to make a decision when it came to naming gavin. after all, we called him parker the first 8 months in utero because that was what we were going to name him. we literally went back and forth between parker, gavin, and brooks to the last minute.

let me paint you a little picture for the sake of clarifying what is meant by last  minute.

t- (20 minutes post water-breaking-at-home-contractions-are-hurting-like-hell-now as i'm trying to get out of the bathtub because i was bound and determined i was going to take a bath prior to presenting to the labor and delivery unit) 

"what are we going to name him? we need to decide now. wwhhyy did weee (i'm whisper yelling now) waaiitt untill the laaaast minuuute? we would even be indecisive with our own childs name.

b - (looking a little flushed and frantic) "are you going to deliver right now in our bathtub? you're going to be okay right? why do you care if your legs are shaved right now. we are going to make it to the hospital right?"

t - "i would be so much better if these contractions would just stop coming. i feel fine when they are not there."

b - "but then you wouldn't be in labor, right? i mean labor is contractions right?" (uh thank you captain obvious, you're about to witness first hand what exactly labor is, lord help us all)

t - "the bag. i was going to pack my hospital bag today, i didn't want to pack it too early because i felt like it would curse my chances of having this baby early. i'm only 37 weeks 3 days. (hot tears are streaming down my makeup free complexion now)this is so not how i pictured all of this going down."

b - "gavin andrew. we're naming him gavin andrew kroeze. it was the first name we both fell in love with and i want to do andrew after my middle name."

t - "gavin andrew it is. i love it. happy almost birthday sweet boy. let's rock and roll."

{and for the record the mr was an awesome support during labor and delivery. he exceeded my expectations and i will never forget the look on his face while he met his brand new son as mouthed the words "he's perfect, he's beautiful" to me with tears in his eyes} 

the rest is history as they say although i think we call him gav more often than gavin.

or snoop gavy gav

or gavin the goat

or bebe gav

anyway back to "white hawk". it's perfect really, he is my little observer. even when he was a wee little baby he would just stare at things, taking it all in. he still does this with people he doesn't know, just stares at them "like a hawk". and for humors sake he watches the door and cupboards like a hawk now too. so much for quick sneaking outside, or quick sneeking my 10th cookie of the day. wait, what? he notices it all. the doors and cupboards could just as well have a voice alarm system hooked up that states (in a low, deep, slow dennis haysbert state farm insurance voice) "gavin, your mother is now eating her 10th cookie of the day, if you speed crawl over there you may get a bite" or "gavin, your mother is now going to try to quickly sneek outside to get the mail, oh wait you are on her like white on rice so you already knew that"

i believe God is very provisional like that. he knew long before brady and i were parents that we would have a sweet baby boy and name him gavin. he knew and loved gavin long before we ever did. i love to just bask in that truth and contemplate how anyone could love him more than i do and then i realize His creator definately does. thank you sweet Jesus for my precious little white hawk. i promise to do my best with your help to give him roots to grow and one day wings to fly.

happy mother's day

Thank you God for the precious gift of motherhood. There is nothing better than being his Mamma.

the seventh sparrow

[a before and after transformation]

before 

shabby? yes
used? yes
bought at second chance depot? yes
good for nothing? not if you have the vision for this little gems potential

let me present to you the after

 
shabby chic anyone? yes
vintage? yes
full of character and charm? obviously

i tip my hat off to the seventh sparrow (you can find them on facebook) for restoring this desk for our new back room project. they were wonderful to work with, very timely, and my goodness did they do an amazing job. i am so in love. can't wait to find the perfect high back chair to re-upholster in a navy polka dot to complete this look.

wordless wednesday