when words hurt

i'm as guilty as anyone when it comes to saying things about others that is less than nice. i'm ashamed to admit i've also been the guilty bystander that did just as much damage by not standing up for someone and simply remaining quiet while others bash. i think i had forgotten just how much weight ill spoken words carry. that was until i recently found myself on the opposite side of one of those conversations.

the ill spoken words were spoken about me. behind my back.

the pain was real.

real enough to bring me to tears.

the hurt was deep.

what exactly was said really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. what does matter is that i feel we as women need a wake up call regarding how we treat eachother. women.can.be.cruel. remember i'm speaking these words just as much to myself as i am to anyone who is kind enough to take the time to read this.

after my initial reaction of tears and feelings of betrayal came some anger. i wanted to defend myself. i wanted to tell those people exactly where to shove it. i wanted to point out there shortcomings, weaknesses, and how un-christian like they were acting. instead i found myself praying and thank God the holy spirit pushed through on my behalf and suddenly this verse was swimming around in my head.

do not repay evil for evil. be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. romans 12:17

suddenly i found my thoughts fastforwarding to that day that someone is mean to gavin. the day someone calls him stupid or he's picked last for the team. the day he comes home from school with a crushed spirit all because of something someone said or did to him. even typing and imagining that day brings real raw pain to my own heart. i know for a fact i will have to quiet the inner mamma bear that is raging through my veins because i'm going to want to let whoever hurt my precious son have it. plain and simple. repaying evil for evil never wins though. it's simply a defense mechanism that fails and only feeds the fire on the mean cycle. it's about as therapeutic as a bandaid is to stage 4 systemic cancer.

what if instead of reacting with anger we reacted with forgiveness? what if we really examined the plank in our own eye before pointing out the speck in anothers? how different would this world look? what if even when we are mad as hell at a specific person (even for a very legitimate reason) we took the time to remember that they (yes even that person) was created in God's very own image and to dishonor them is actually to dishonor the very God we serve?

all of that instead of anger.

i want to be the type of mother God intended me to be especially in the hard situations. i want to portray that forgiveness and patience will get you so much farther in life than repaying evil for evil. how i react and treat others despite how they've treated me will speak volumes. how can i expect gavin to know how to display forgiveness instead of anger if i myself fail to display those very qualities? believe it or not actions really do speak louder than words and your little kids sponges are listening and absorbing more than you think.  

have you ever complimented someone, i mean really complimented them and then watched their response? it is one of my favorite things to do. i love to look for the good in others and tell them what i've found. i love to encourage people as well, i feel it's one of my spiritual gifts. we as humans are so empowered by kind words. the best part about kind words is that they're highly contagious and they keep paying it forward again and again.

the flip side of that coin is how detrimental to a person's spirit mean words are. my heart still aches and i find myself having some doubts about "what if what they said really is true?"  my prayer for you (and myself) is that the next time we're in a mean conversation we have the courage to stand up and stop it right then and there. and remember if you find yourself on the other end of hurtful words you truly have a choice. you can choose between anger or forgivness.

i choose forgiveness.