un content

Something has been going on in my heart lately and I can't ignore it any longer. Blame it on this season of more, more, more. Being new years eve, I find myself intentionally thinking of things I want to improve on in 2012.

One intentional area of improvement involves contentment. I will work on being content with what I have and not comparing it to what "everyone else has". If I'm completely honest, my heart lately has been more full of "look what so and so has, how do they afford that, on one income? what are we doing wrong? i want __________ (fill in the blank with whatever you covet)

Here's the thing - I have everything I need and more.

Be still my heart.

Be thankful.

Help others and don't always think of your own desires.

One lesson I've learned in my twenty some odd years is that material possessions will never satisfy. Did you hear me? Material.Possessions.Will.Never.Satisfy. What they will do is leave you longing for more, and more and more. Buyers remorse anyone? It's an ugly, infectious, and potentially terminal cycle. Quite similar to a MRSA or VRE infection that no antibiotics can touch because the "bug" is too smart for the treatment. It can go something like this, you buy a bigger house because you need more room, but then wait you need better furniture to go in your bigger house, and you need new decorations for your new house, and new dishes, and probably a new vehicle to put in your new garage. The infection spreads and soon it's nothing short of lethal to your soul. I won't pretend to have never been on a similar cycle, although it was more of a lust-after-newer-and-nicer-things-and-compare-what-we-have-to-what-other-have cycle... but thank God it's a new year and I'm bailing off that pony.

While I don't ever remember going without when I was young, I do remember both of my parents working their tails off to provide for me. I heard and hated the word "budget". While in junior high I resented my Mom because she wouldn't buy me a pair of $50 jeans with holes in them. Good call Mom, what the h was I thinking?! My parents succeeded and ingrained gratitude deep into the crevices of my soul. Thanks Mom & Dad. I refuse to raise an ungrateful child myself. I will intentially parent Gavin to be aware of those people who have nothing, do without, and probably have more joy than we will ever know because they rely solely on God.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in every and any situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:12-13

Cheers to a new year and learning contentment!

Stay tuned for a ' christmas and year-in-review' post coming soon.

12.25.11

Merry Christmas from the Kroeze's

{we hope your day is full of celebration and you find yourself surrounded by those you love, remember Jesus is the reason for the season}

letter to my son

Dear Gavin,

As I sit here writing this you are fast asleep on your side cuddling with ponds; your stuffed frog. I'm not sure there's anything greater than tip toeing in your room while you are sleeping. The night light causes your soft skin to glisten and I could just watch you for hours. I often find myself putting my hand on you and praying. Praying that God is with you while you sleep. Praying that I am the Mom to you that God wants me to be. Praying with happy tears that God choose me to be your Mom. Praying that you will grow up to know and love God. I'm not sure I knew a love this deep until God gave me you. You are such a joy to me.

I love your shy & silly personality. It is in so many ways just like your Daddy {I love him too you know} Want to know a secret? I like love that you don't just give out your smiles to strangers... it means more when you so willingly give them to me. It lets me know that you love and trust me. Your dimples melt straight through to my soul each and every time. That giggle of yours is quite hilarious too, we've been calling you 'Gavin The Goat' for quite some time. I love that, just like your Daddy, once you warm up you are the life of the party, causing everyone to smile and laugh. You are really blessed to have the Daddy you do. He loves you so, so much.

I guess we technically already had our first Christmas together. You probably don't remember but you were warm, cozy and growing like crazy in my belly. Mommy enjoyed lots of extra treats last year because she could blame it on 'baby weight' (Don't worry, Grandma seems to love to feed you just about anything she can get her hands on so don't plan on being let down this year)

To me, one of the best things about being your Mom is that I get to create memories for you. Memories that will stick with you for a lifetime, and trust me, your Mamma knows how to have a good time. You are so impressionable and I promise myself and God every day that I will shower you with love. I will really be there for you, make time for you. There really is nothing I wouldn't do for you Gavin. You have changed my life completely, and some days I'm not convinced I actually "lived" before having you. Seeing life through your bright baby blues has caused me to question so much, to really explore my beliefs and what is important to me and what I will make important for you.

In 3 short days we will enjoy our first Christmas together. Daddy, Mommy, Gavin and Maya. I can't wait to see your child like wonder when you open your gifts. I have big plans for our future buddy boy. Plans to decorate cut out cookies, plans to eat cut out cookies, plans to listen to loud Christmas music (because all good music should be played loud) plans to make snow angels, plans to stay in our Christmas pj's all day if we wish. Oh and one small thing, both your Grandma's made your Daddy and I wait until all the dishes were clean before we could open presents when we were little. I promise to you that for one day I will put away my OCD tendencies and leave the mess so we can get to the fun part and make a bigger mess. Promise! I also promise I will teach you what the true gift of Christmas is - the gift that God sent His one and only Son because He loved us so much.

Sweet dreams my precious baby boy.

I love you to the moon and back

Love,

Mommy

4 days of Christmas

i had big plans to do a 25 days of christmas post but since the weather doesn't even warrant wearing a coat these days, and i can still see grass ,the time slipped away from me. in my twenty some years i only remember one christmas that wasn't white and i might be praying daily for those big flakes to make their beautiful return and fall silently to the earth.

{it just doesn't feel like christmas without snow}

snow or no snow the christmas spirit has been high in our house since, well, the day after thanksgiving. baking is complete. house is decorated. christmas outfit for babe picked out. stockings hung. presents all bought and meticulously wrapped with real ribbon. christmas pictures done. we are all eagerly awaiting the big day. {i may have let my child open his first gift a little early}

my heart is always giddy around this time of year, but we are in for an extra dose of joy since we will be celebrating baby's first chritmas and our first christmas as a family of three.

thank you God for blessing us with Gavin, our hearts have never known so much joy

pay it forward

"paying it forward is

lending a helping hand to someone in need.

it's making a huge difference by doing something small.

it's leaving the world a better place than you found it"

{pay it forward foundation}

My sister, her husband and little guy and our family went on a spur-of-the-moment-quick-out-to-eat-shopping-extravaganza- this weekend. We called ahead to one of our favorite restaurants to get our name in and long story short we ended up waiting forever a long time to get seated. Thankfully there was loud country music playing so my sister and I could dance and bounce our babies to our hearts content. I was sweating at one point in time. hah.

My punctual husband went and asked the hostess what was going on after like an hour of waiting and she said "oh looks like we accidentaly skipped over your number".

wait, what?

ugh.

{I think God was secretly working on teaching me patience which definately does not come naturally to me, especially not while trying to console/entertain a 9 month old in tight-quarters with empty bellies}

We finally were seated and got both boys in their high chairs and ordered. My brother in law started talking about how he heard on the radio about this 'pay it forward weekend' and how influencial that could be. My sister added that someone had actually paid for her lunch that day and she was revived to know kindness still existed.

Across from our table was a couple enjoying a meal together. I had overheard them talking on the way in that it was their 11th wedding anniversary. I couldn't help but notice the husband was reading his wife scripture from his worn out, underlined, and hi-lighted pocket Bible during supper. I was taken back by this scene. What a true man, what a spiritual leader. Wow.

We decided we would 'pay it forward' for them. A random act of kindness with pure intentions and nothing expected in return.

We were lucky enough to see there faces when they got their bill and the waitor had written:

"Merry Christmas, your bill has been taken care of"

The husband looked at the wife who grabbed the ticket and looked back at him like "what?!" I don't think they believed it at first, but the joy it brought them was evident. In turn this couple was so generous that they gave the waitor a $20 tip.

You see kindness is contagious like that, it has an infectious way of changing people and giving them hope and joy. It's a 'win-win' situation across the board.

I can't really play the "i'm-emotional-because-i'm-pregnant-or-i'm-emotional-because-i-have-a-newborn" card anymore so I guess I was just plain emotional. My heart felt giddy and thankful to impact someone's day. Even though I didn't personally know them I think our actions touched them, at least I hope so. I felt blessed to be a blessing. Don't worry,I didn't cry (in case you were wondering) my eyes were just a little damp... i have allergies you know.

I vaguely remember a sermon regarding doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. The pastor made the point how it's amazing when you help others what joy it brings to your heart. That is a feeling money can't buy. He mentioned that joyous feeling comes because when we help others without expecting anything in return we are doing the work God intended us to do and that my friends bring real joy...always.

Don't forget the impact one small act of kindness can have.

How can you 'pay it forward'?

a bone to pick

If you are of child bearing/rearing age chances are that you've been pummeled with this line more than once.

"Breast is best"

Well, my friends and fellow bloggers, here is my line.

"Breast is not always best"

{Cue the "gasping, jaw dropping face some of you might be wearing right now" You may be thinking "She is a nurse, how dare she say that?" }

I say that not only as a nurse but as a fellow Mom.

Like you, I had been pumelled (ie beat to death) with the idea that "breast is best-it is the only way- don't even think about any other options- do not entertain the thought of bottles and certainly don't entertain the thought of the "f" (formula) word.

And what I have to say in response to the above would not be rated PG, so I will keep those thoughts/words to myself.

Grin.

After Gavin was born I struggled with breastfeeding and did not want to entertain the idea of formula at first. I had a mild postpartum hemorrhage which interuppted the normal flow of breastfeeding in more than one way. I do not share this to "make excuses" rather I share this to enlighten people why breastfeeding isn't always tangible.

Since I lost extra blood my "supply" was minimal. (Sorry if that's TMI, I'm trying to keep this PG) I worked with a lactation consultant (who I have nothing againt, she really went above and beyond for me) who advised me to breastfeed both sides for 20 minutes, then pump for 10-15 minutes, then syringe feed my babe the breastmilk and if need be add minumum amount of formula.

Oh and one minor detail - I was instructed to do this every 2-3 hours.

Newsflash - this took almost 2 hours to complete. This nonsense and chaos lasted 7 days.

7 long days.

In all honesty all I needed to hear was that it was okay to feed my baby formula and that it didn't make me a failure as a Mother. I had been beat over the head with that ridiculous idea for so long and I needed to break free of that. I did end up hearing those glorious words from my doctor who I highly respect. We introduced formula and bottle feeding and Gavin & I both thrived.

So if you're in a similar boat and feeling less than proud- consider me your lifeline.

You do not have to breastfeed to be a great Mom.

Let me repeat that louder;

YOU.

DO.

NOT.

HAVE.

TO.

BREASTFEED.

TO.

BE.

A.

GREAT.

MOM.

In talking with fellow Mom's I've found out that breastfeeding certainly is not a cake walk for everyone. Don't get me wrong here, if it works for you and you would have been a dairy cow in another life- I tip my hat to you, good job. But here's the thing - just because it worked for you doesn't mean it's going to work for everyone, and that doesn't make them any less of a great Mom than you.

There, I feel better having that off my chest.

{disclaimer - this blog reflects my personal opinion, and although i have a medical degree and work for very talented doctors, this reflects my opinion alone}

A side note - Gavin's 9 month pictures are back, and I'm convinced he's the cutest baby there ever was. Here is a sneak peek.

wait, what?

so it goes something like this. i used to make handmade cards, a lot. then i had a baby who i prefer to spend almost every waking second with.

cards were put on hold, a very long hold.

but don't worry, my supplies were dusted off the other day while my 9 month old baby (yes he's that old now) napped.

the end result; a happy momma with some really cute gifts.

i have pics to prove it for you skeptics out there who don't believe i'm a good crafter...

{grin}

{ thank you to my lovely stampin up demonstrator mel for helping me come up with ideas and ordering me all the supplies}

{also thank you to my husband who may suffer from OCD when it comes to cutting things just so. thanks to you my cards are perfect}

what's that saying...measure twice cut once?

or there's always eyeballing it...

Happy Wednesday All. Christmas is 18 days away - be happy, be very happy.