Maya's fur sort of "crunched" when I went to pet her. Poor dog.
Got me to thinking.
My heart has felt a little less than warm lately too.
Typically you will find mostly upbeat/funny/happy things posted here, but I guess I'm taking this whole "blogging" thing to a new level. It's all about being real and being relatable (right?)
February 15 marks one year since loosing our first child to a miscarriage at 12 weeks gestation. 11 weeks ago marks having to lay to rest our precious and much loved nephew Jude at 28 weeks gestation. The two hardest things I've ever experienced.
The "sting" of death still rears it's ugly head at times. Don't get me wrong here. I know our little one as well as Jude are in heaven in the arms of Jesus and we will get to see them again in heaven which is the best place for them but sometimes... it still just plain hurts.
My heart aches for having to say good-bye before hello. My heart aches for never getting to rock our little angel to sleep. Never getting to see or kiss his/her face. My heart aches that our little boy will not grow up next door to his cousin Jude, and I don't get to spoil him as his aunt. My heart aches for Jude's Mommy & Daddy. Sometimes I find myself worrying more than I care to admit about our little boy growing inside me right now. Blame pregnany hormones. Blame certain circumstances. Blame whatever you like.
Faith - defined as "belief that is not based on proof"
Trust - defined as "confident expectation of something; hope"
I asked a dear friend today how to combat worry. Her answer - prayer.
So pray is what I plan to do. Today I'm praying God helps me to have real faith and trust in Him. And I'm gonna pray with my hands on my belly feeling our little one (who now officially has a name, yes we decided!) kick all around. I'm praying prayers of thanksgiving that I get to enter this whole new adventure of parenthood with my best friend who I fall more in love with everyday. I'm also praying for Wade & Alissa as they pursue something God has placed on both of their hearts, adoption. Will you please pray too?
Romans 8:26-28 The Message
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
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